Breastfeeding is a Bacterial Feeding Ground

At least the rubber nipples and bottles get sterilised once in a while. Breastfeeding mothers never wash themselves up, or use a wet-wipe before feeding. Gross. If I served you milk from a filthy, crusty glass you'd throw up. Your baby? That's not burping, it is spit-up, because you're making him sick with your festering boobs.

I don't like drinking from filthy sources, and neither does my baby, so I'm feeding formula. Healthy, balanced, nutritious, engineered formula. Sterile. From a tin.

Breastfeeding Will Make Your Baby Amish

The Amish are all breastfed, and they're so stoopid they don't know how to turn on a television or fasten a pair of pants with a zipper. Unless you want some sort of plain speaking-button trouser wearing-furniture maker for a child, I suggest you get a tin of formula, and start feeding it.

I mean sure, we idealise these people until one of your own goes and starts living like them-there's only so much pie and hog maw a person can eat. It takes a village to raise a barn, but you only need a tin of formula to raise a child.

Breastfeeding is Sooooo Third World

So yeah, go ahead and feed your baby like a privative savage-why don't you squat in a field to have it too? Me? I'm civilised, so I'm feeding formula. What's more, I'm wearing Liz Claiborne, you can get boob juice all over your native mumu (moo-moo) if you want.

It is called progress for a reason.

Babies Need Formula to Thrive

According to breast scientists, your breasts are over 90% water. Why would you want to feed your baby water when companies make safe, nutritious formula? Unless you hate your baby, then you breast feed them. I mean, every time I gain weight, it is in my breasts-water weight. Everyone (including breast scientists who know about this stuff) knows your baby won't thrive on water. Give 'em a bottle of formula and stop being such an ignoramus.

You are soooo stooopid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!