Breastfeeding is a Bacterial Feeding Ground

At least the rubber nipples and bottles get sterilised once in a while. Breastfeeding mothers never wash themselves up, or use a wet-wipe before feeding. Gross. If I served you milk from a filthy, crusty glass you'd throw up. Your baby? That's not burping, it is spit-up, because you're making him sick with your festering boobs.

I don't like drinking from filthy sources, and neither does my baby, so I'm feeding formula. Healthy, balanced, nutritious, engineered formula. Sterile. From a tin.

Babies Need Formula to Thrive

According to breast scientists, your breasts are over 90% water. Why would you want to feed your baby water when companies make safe, nutritious formula? Unless you hate your baby, then you breast feed them. I mean, every time I gain weight, it is in my breasts-water weight. Everyone (including breast scientists who know about this stuff) knows your baby won't thrive on water. Give 'em a bottle of formula and stop being such an ignoramus.

You are soooo stooopid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obamacare to Require Breastfeeding

The health care law is going to force women to breastfeed their babies so they can get ready to suck on the tit of the State. Fact. It'll still pay to abort if you want, but once the kid is here, you have to keep it stuck to your chest for a couple years or they'll cut off your Prozac prescription
, and then you'll remember how much you didn't want a kid in the first place.

If you refuse to breast-feed, they send Hillary Clinton to be the wet nurse. Fact.

I don't want my kid breast-fed by Hillary Clinton (hell, Bill didn't even want to suck 'em) so I'm feeding formula!

Free Formula Samples in Hospital

If they stop giving new mothers free formula samples in hospital , what am I going to feed my baby????????!!!!!!!!!!

And without vouchers for free formula, I'll have to apply for benefits to buy him formula!

Everyone knows formula is the best, perfect food (they engineer it that way-it's science)why do hospitals hate babies????

Breastfeeding Causes Illiteracy

Breastfeeding babies causes them to be illiterate later in life because they couldn't see the story books their mum read them because They had a tit shoved in their face! Really, you try reading like that.

Formula fed babies fared much better because they were able to see the books. A is for Apple. B is for boob that kept baby from learning the alphabet and becoming a lay about dole dependent.

I don't want my baby to drag me along every time he needs to fill out the form for welfare-that's why I'm feeding formula!

Breastfeeding Causes Speech Delays

Know why your stupid baby hasn't learned to speak yet? Because you have your tit shoved in his mouth all the time! Hey, genius, I have an "early intervention" tip for you: take your boob out of the kid's mouth. I guarantee his first sentence will be, "Give me a fucking bottle of formula."

Duh!

Breastfeeding Linked to Dementia

A new study from the The International Teamed Statistics has definitive, concrete, PROOF that breastfeeding babies causes them to go all crazshit once they hit old age. Look at all the early-onset Alzheimers amongst baby-boomers. It was the breastmilk that made them lose their minds. Back when people shamelssly gave their babies formula full of corn syrup and contaminated water, they did just fine which is why great grandpa can still tell you about fighting the Krauts in Europe, march by march, but your damn hippie, boob-fed 60's baby can't remember which end of a shovel to dig with.

I don't want my baby to spend his declining years trying to remember who the hell I am...so I'm feeding formula!